this feeling

I'm not sure what is happening to me.. this feeling of depression.. Is it stress? I don't think so..
But what is it? I feel lacking the thing called LOVE.

"LOL" some might give this expression.. and honestly I felt like hugging someone and cry.. but hugging someone requires love.. the love between families.. friends.. the loved one..

Nah you all should know I'm single until now.. so I never had a chance to hug anyone.. haha..

my families? I've already acted like a real man(with childish thoughts) when I was so young.. hugging my parents is the last thing I would do.. and to imagine crying in front of them.. =.= my siblings? NO WAY! I would literally die by their hands.. my elder sisters treated me like a perverted wolr when I was so young.. so now we almost had a limit to our closeness.. i that is the word to describe..

my father do hug me sometimes.. but that only gives me a small decrease in my depression..

my grannies? nope.. I can't hug them tight I think..

I dunno why.. I just can't hug anyone.. everything is by myself.. (and dude I'm not a psycho that will hug himself and cry right?)

Friends? definitely a no! come on.. If I hug a guy.. people will think I'm a gay.. If I hug a girl.. either gossips will be spreaded or I'll suffer punches from their boyfriends.. haha..

and to say about friends.. how many friends do I have? a lot? to me.. its only a few.. And up until now, I cannot trust anyone as much.. (yup Hui Yee.. I'm still the same old me).. no one in this world is able to gain my full trust. because I felt sick of being hurt by it again..

I hate smiling.. but yet I need to be like that.. I always look cheerful on the outside.. but inside-..............

everything is still own my own and God.. I sought peace when I'm with Him.. and I hope I can submit this feeling of mine to God.. and forget it..

Ethan Liew signing out