Part 2

Hmm.. I think I realised the true feeling inside me =)

I want to be alone with nature.. but I cannot give it up.. or to say.. I don't want to be alone =.="

Weird right? How do I want to be alone while I don't want to? haha that's me @.@

I feel very calm and my mind without sorrow whenever I stand near the rain alone.. without anyone near me.. without anyone in the range of my sight, I feel great! lol
(whoever who sometimes sees me standing near the rain, you'll know what I mean XD)

that's what been bothering me.. that's why sometimes I feel like dropping my tears (on purpose) sometimes.. I'm crazy right?

Ethan Liew signing out

this feeling

I'm not sure what is happening to me.. this feeling of depression.. Is it stress? I don't think so..
But what is it? I feel lacking the thing called LOVE.

"LOL" some might give this expression.. and honestly I felt like hugging someone and cry.. but hugging someone requires love.. the love between families.. friends.. the loved one..

Nah you all should know I'm single until now.. so I never had a chance to hug anyone.. haha..

my families? I've already acted like a real man(with childish thoughts) when I was so young.. hugging my parents is the last thing I would do.. and to imagine crying in front of them.. =.= my siblings? NO WAY! I would literally die by their hands.. my elder sisters treated me like a perverted wolr when I was so young.. so now we almost had a limit to our closeness.. i that is the word to describe..

my father do hug me sometimes.. but that only gives me a small decrease in my depression..

my grannies? nope.. I can't hug them tight I think..

I dunno why.. I just can't hug anyone.. everything is by myself.. (and dude I'm not a psycho that will hug himself and cry right?)

Friends? definitely a no! come on.. If I hug a guy.. people will think I'm a gay.. If I hug a girl.. either gossips will be spreaded or I'll suffer punches from their boyfriends.. haha..

and to say about friends.. how many friends do I have? a lot? to me.. its only a few.. And up until now, I cannot trust anyone as much.. (yup Hui Yee.. I'm still the same old me).. no one in this world is able to gain my full trust. because I felt sick of being hurt by it again..

I hate smiling.. but yet I need to be like that.. I always look cheerful on the outside.. but inside-..............

everything is still own my own and God.. I sought peace when I'm with Him.. and I hope I can submit this feeling of mine to God.. and forget it..

Ethan Liew signing out